Moving Through Quicksand

October 29, 2021

An unapologetic, self-rambling as I plummet down the rabbit hole of autoimmune disease

5-30-20 My Beginning

So here I am.  In a place I never imagined I would be…I mean, I do sooo many things right! I eat very healthy (most of the time), I work out regularly at 5 times a week, I get my mandatory 8 hours of sleep every night, I don’t smoke or do drugs of any kind (I have often wondered if that is part of my problem, lol) unless you count the handful of supplements –enough to choke a horse- that I take on a daily basis, and to top it off, I’m a plant-based holistic nutritionist for God’s sake! How ironic is that?! So why is it that day after day I have to fight for every single ounce of energy I have? It makes no sense…Take my sister for example, and Barb, if you’re reading this, you know I love you more than anything, but seriously, come on!

Old wooden door with shod door hingeds against a white brick wall

My one and only sister is 3 years older than me.  She has been smoking to different degrees, with several successful 3-9 month stints of quitting, since the tender age of 13. (She is now 54)  She does not work out, eats somewhat healthy but loves her bread and pasta, and for the most part eats whatever she wants.  She has a nightly glass (or two) of wine to wind down, does not take supplements of any kind and NEVER stops moving! She is extremely busy each and every day and her health is the least of her concerns. Not only does she work 12 hours days but she also has the stamina to clean her house, run various errands and cater to her passion of making jewelry (which is amazing!). To say that this drives me crazy would be an understatement not to mention inaccurate. It actually makes me FEEL crazy… That’s the truth. I feel crazy a lot.

It’s hard to explain to someone who has never experienced this and has no need to give their energy, or ability to complete tasks with ease, a second thought. My husband is also this way. Constantly moving all the time with a seemingly inhumane need for very little sleep. I have to admit; my jealousy often gets the best of me and leads me to not always be as kind and loving as I should be, which is not easy to admit to.  I am actually tearing up as I write this. Apparently there is some amount of shame that goes along with all of this.   I am however, grateful beyond measure to have him in my life. While he cannot relate to how I’m feeling or the way my body works, he supports me without judgment or criticism, showing me only loyalty and love as I continue on my quest – because that IS what my life has become, a quest to heal myself 100% holistically using diet, supplements, and alternative healing treatments to banish the quicksand that has taken control of my life.  It’s possible, I know it is. I just pray I am given the guidance to some day get there. You see, this may be the beginning of this blog but I am smack dab in the middle of my journey. I would love to tell you this is an inspirational account of my battle with quicksand but the truth is I have no idea how this is going to turn out or if I will be successful.

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